Tag Archives: love

Girl with A Flare Skirt

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A girl with a flare skirt glances,

Looking through the glassmade window,

 .

Wind blows, passing the windowsill in silence.

 .

The girl with a flare skirt keep staring,

Far and far away, none else know where her mind goes wandering,

Or hiding.

 .

The girl with the flare skirt skips hear afternoon meals,

She comes out, open the door, walking right to the tree over the windowsill from which at first she was staring.

 .

The girl with the flare skirt does only one thing,

She picks up a little light brown leaf that has just been falling,

No body understands the exact meaning.

Or moaning.

 .

The girl with the flare skirt takes a break and breathing,

Help herself to a nice sitting position,

To the more and more leaves that falling,

She keeps observing.

Or might be blindly looking.

 .

It is the heart that goes wander and knows no way to come back home.

It is the mind that actually doing things, but now certainly freezing.

The girl with the flare skirt is standing.

That’s what people could tell by looking.

 .

But inside,

The girl with the flare skirt is actually drowning.

 .

Wednesday, 31st of May, 2017

13.28 GMT+7

Anggun Nadia Fatimah

To Finally Define

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“The beauty you see in me, is a reflection of you.” (Rumi)

 

I haven’t testified this yet, it’s still a street “theory”, another way to help me understand the world.

It’s derived from people’s everyday experiences. On love and brokenhearted matters.

 

After yearly confusing thoughts, after taking things a bit harder earlier,  after taking a deep breath in learning, I presume…

 

Perhaps,

The inquiry of finding ourselves sometimes be helped by finding what we love, so does to whom we fall in love. Whatever we see in the things, or in the person we love, are actually a mirror that  reflects whoever we are.

 

A beautiful heart loves beauty.

An artistic heart loves arts and creativity.

An honest one loves honesty.

And so on, and let it be.

 

We love  because we (unconciously) find ourselves by “reflecting” through that person, through the character, the wisdom, the artistic part, habits, agreeable thoughts, and  else.

A wanderer loves to find a travel partner. A divine person, seeks for the love that helps him/her to be closer to God. We actually loves the  similar pieces like ours, realize it or not. We mean it or not. We love ourselves.

 

I remember a quote from a former Islamic scholar, “Actually, when we fall in love, we only fall in love to ourselves.” We love the reflection of our own heart inside the person or the thing we fall in love to.

 

That is why,

The true purpose of falling in love maybe  not (or not only, depends on the situation) is not to be with the person we love.

 

Maybe,

The true purpose of falling in love is to help us to define the self. To finally understand the “who am I” question. To restart, the inquiry of “what is my purpose in life“. To find inch by inch, “what actually we seek in life, or what kind of values firms our heart the most.” And, on.

 

Love could be a noun. Could be an act of bravery. Could be the beauty we seek and  find, and then possibly we lost.

Love could  be a precious jewel, a possession we admire. Yet in the same time, it could also be a journey to (re)define the self. Cause by falling in love, sometimes we are able to see a part of us that was covered, unseen, unrealized, or ignored before. The part that we’re not completely recognized yet.

 

We learn to find then refine the soul within us.

 

I don’t know, still haven’t finished the long thought yet (despite I’ve spent years to build the understanding). Might need couple of  years more to do the reflective thinking, or maybe a whole life’s lesson sessions. But, I think  I’ll save this thought for now. Just like Rumi said,  “the beauty you see in me, is a reflection of you.

 

 

Just another chaotic thoughts,

9.39 GMT+7

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Anadia Fatimah

The Growth in Everything

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As we grow, our relationship grows. With A, with B, with C, with every of those alphabetical letters, and with all those complex combinations of them.

 

I write this to remind myself, also to explain to one or two particular persons in my life. That, if we look forward a kind of relationship that would not ever hurt our tiny trembling heart, we would never ever find it inside this humanity form. It will always be time, where our dearest ones hurting us, doing errs, missunderstand our good deeds, shredding our tears, using wrong choices of words, and alike. And they’ll do it for times, so do we. And then, we find this tiny trembling heart aching, even bleeding.

 

But that’s us. That’s really us : human. Imposibble not to do err forever, even right after we say “I love you forever.” Intentionally or not, we are just a perfect piece of examples that no body’s perfect.

 

I begin to understand (after so many wasted chances in my life), that a tight-bounded relationship built upon so many conflict and resolutions to it. How we face it, resolve it, feel sorry, beg to forgive, and mend it, and on and on and on. So various. It’s stability is an actual result of so many managable unstabilities. Then, it will last for years. Some, for ever.

 

Just like the destiny of seeds, some grow upon overcoming hardship, and some other dye of failing. Our relationships work in the same way. We might not know yet, into which direction it will step forward. We might not know yet, how deep this relationship will be meant to us. We might not know yet, when, where, and how this one will end it’s bound. We never know untill the time explain it to us. We have to wait. And choose. Will we protect this seed anyhow, or will we be able to loose it somehow. This love. This friendship. This companionship. These lots of beautiful moments and those bad ones.

 

Ask this self, then choose. To fight eventhough we never know the future. Or to withdraw, eventhough we still be able to restrain these feelings : anger, fear, anxiety, disappointment and on. Sometimes it’s not the act of overcoming hardship that matter. Sometimes, it’s the act of fighting to overcome hardship that immediately reflects our true feeling about it. About the meaning of that relationship.

 

I’ve lived through many of broken friendship caused of missunderstanding, time, distance, changing of peer preference, and some because of others. Then I learned. If there is mutual truthful feeling toward each of us, we will try one or two or two thousand ways to repair the broken sides. And then that friendship, that relationship, grows stronger than ever. It’s also true, sometimes it takes times to mend. To send our deepest apology. To set our clearest mind into the air of honesty, being honest about the wrongdoings, being honest in saying sorry, and being honest to acknowledge the depth meaning of it to this tiny trembling heart.

 

I am speaking of love and relationship though. But it’s not a kind of contemplation upon specific romantic experience. What I am talking is a broader spectrum of love, friendship, and relationship. In which, we live up our everyday life. There are two particular persons in my head right now, right when I am writing this long sentences. One is the one who dying of my words. And another one, is the one who kills me with her words. None of these two case includes any abusive words. Yet, these two cases rose upon almost a completely true facts that brought up not all of a sudden in a bright sunny season, within a wonderful moment of discussion. Yet, they still hurts.

 

This is life. The place where all true and/or falses doing claimed so depends not only to the exact concept, but also to the context. Some contexts are observable and some lies so deep in our humanly feeling. Not only hard to explain, but also hard to completely understand. That is life, and this is us, the “only human” one. And come then this moment, where I should restart my self inquiry about the value of these bound to me. How far I shall fight for these.

 

 

On growing or dying,

Anggun Nadia Fatimah,

August 25, 2016

15.16 (+7 GMT)