I trapped in my own labyrinth. I asked hundreds of times, “is it real or is it just in my head?” I looked away. Scared of being deceived by my subjective interpretation of the world. I closed my heart, but it cracked. I mended it, but it cracked wider and wider. I fell to a pandora box I tried my best to avoid.
I fell deeper and deeper. I began to wonder, “it is real. it is way too real to be just a dream”. I open my eyes to and welcome the sunshine. I felt it’s warmth and felt grateful day by day. I bloomed.
Then the wind blows my eyes open. I woke up from my dream and lost the sunshine. The night falls again.
I tried my best to mend every cracked and crooked heart. I felt so empty. I know, I know, something unreal should be ended soon. And it’s beauty is way too far from realistic. So, it is once again just a labyrinth in my head. I was deceived by my personal imagination. I cut myself and bleed. I tried stopping this river but the pain uncovered. I tried my best to be okay and used the remaining strenght to maintain my normal life.
Still, every now and then, I cry. And I keep telling my self that we’ll be alright, Anggun. Give it some times.
Dear Love. I truely love you. Deep and warmth. I just couldn’t reach you cause I was so scared that everything was just in my head. I was waiting for you to come. But, I think I need to wake my self up from my most beautiful dream. Eventough, part of me still hoping, that this beautiful story will never be ended.
At the end of the story I can only remind my self to recall. A scholar once said, “everyone is guided to what is meant for them.” What is really yours will find a way to you. And what is not will always escape you.
And here I am, trying my best to gather the remaining pieces of my heart. Even the story was never real, the love I sent to the sky is always real.
07.33 pm, 14th of April/Ramadhan day 2 1442H
Me, holding a scattered heart.
Forgive me to write this in here. But I need a place to cry too.